dayHOLLYWOOD

here i am in Hollywood, the land of characters. a friend put andy and i up last night and took us out for brunch (ummmm so good)...its pricey out here.

today is the first day i've been able to sit still and turn the brain from tour logistics to myself. i have a scratch pad i drawl in and make random notes to myself on. below is just two pages from today...it is true i talk to myself on paper, be warned.

what inspires you? what is inside you? "when your super-hero crumbles what's inside"? why is this tour so hard? why do we not connect as a team? why am i on this tour? honest response: it just seemed right when i signed-up. i was lonely at "home" and saw a chance to escape. so i jumped for the escape, not a bad thing but not a thing which will sustain during hard times.

now my "escape" is hard and there isn't any purpose of my own to drive me. why is this tour important? b/c God cares about these kids and about me. if He is alive and moving then He does have desires and passions. if He does desire to enter a personal relationship with people then we must interact with Him, right? what is interaction? i think at the very least it means understanding with our every action and word we affect one another. so then if God is alive and desires to interact with us shouldn't we then care about how we interact with Him? i thinks so and i do. i think we effect others most when we promote or destroy the things they care for most. what does God desire? what are those things He is passionate about? what does He care for most? i don't know? but i wouldn't be afraid to put people at the top. so here is my thought: how i treat people is a way that i interact with Him (b/c he cares so much for people)...and secret confession: i've done a crap job at interacting with people [my team].

this tour is no longer an escape from loneliness, but an enhancer of it; it is no longer an escape from home, but a loud desire to be back there. this tour is not fun, not glamorous, not easy, and not a vacation -it is truly the hardest thing i have ever done in my life. i think it is so hard b/c i'm now learning what it is to love people...to build others up...to look out for another above myself even when it seems and feels so irrational.

this tour has now become 3 1/2 months of devotion to look beyond myself. specifically at others and to our God, our Heavenly Father as He wants to be called.

i saw the movie trailer in august of 2005 on the internet and it changed my life by showing me that what I enjoy doing has a place for helping others. but without love my “hobbies/desires” are but worthless, this tour is showing me that. as I learn to love people I am serving some children I’ve never met. these children who are actually changing my life need their story told.

Kony what you meant for evil is changing our generation for good, watch out b/c it's time to stop.